Alpine Mummy

A new life in the middle of nowhere

Sleep. Or not.


Alpine Boy never slept through the night when he was little  (or at least not when it was my turn to get up during the night.  Imagine my joy when he starting sleeping through at six months.  Just when I went back to work, leaving Alpine Papa in charge of night-time feeds.  Of which there were none. Bah).  I assumed the same would be true for Alpine Girl, so was rather excited to discover that this one sleeps!  All the time!  Right from the start she was only waking up once a night, and as soon as we moved here she would sleep right through until 6.00 or 7.00am – my dream baby, excuse the pun (I am particularly fond of sleep, and have been all my life, as my family will attest).

So those occasions where Alpine Girl does in fact wake up in the middle of the night are an immense shock to the system.  Being violently woken up by screaming at 2.00 am is like being dragged out of a whirlpool by your hair – painful, noisy, you can’t open your eyes, and you just keep getting sucked back down.

And on top of that, we’re trying to get Alpine Boy to sleep without a nappy.  Which isn’t really working.  So last night went something like this:

  • 10.30 pm – managed to make it into bed before midnight.  A first for weeks.  General faffing usually takes place between 10.00pm (the time I say I’ll go to bed) and midnight (the time I actually go to bed).
  • 11.30 pm – still awake.  Too hot.  And I’m in bed too early – my body can’t cope.
  • midnight – still awake.  Getting annoyed now.
  • sometime after midnight – asleep, hurrah!
  • 3.00 am – “MUUUUMMY! PAAAAAAPA! I NEED A WEEEEEEE!” (He got that wrong actually. What he should have said was “MUUUUMMY! PAAAAAAPA! I’VE DONE A WEEEEEEE!  IN MY BED!”)
  • 3.00 – 3.30 am – Operation Sheet Change.
  • 3.30 am – back in bed.  Can’t sleep.  Too cold.
  • sometime around 4.00 am – asleep, hurrah!
  • 5.00 am – woken by the sound of a fox attacking a cat in the garden.  Or something.
  • 5.05 am – go downstairs to check it is not our cat being attached by a fox in the garden. Or something.  It’s not.  I do find the cat sitting on the sofa though, which is not allowed.  Shout at cat.  Think about putting her in the garden to get attacked by a fox.   Conscience gets the better of me.
  • 5.10 am – back in bed. Can’t sleep.  Alpine Papa is snoring.
  • 5.11 am – get up to open Alpine Boy’s bedroom door so he can get to the bathroom if he needs another wee.
  • 5.12 am – back in bed. Just about to fall asleep.
  • 5.15 am – “MUUUUUMMMMYYYY!! I NEEEEED A WEEEEEEEEE!!” (he got it right this time, thank goodness).  Get up to take Alpine Boy to the toilet.  Put him back to bed.  Answer numerous questions which start with the word ‘why’.
  • 5.20 am – back in bed.  Can’t sleep.  Alpine Boy is singing the Archers’ theme tune.  Very loudly.  No joke.
  • sometime around 5.30 am – asleep, hurrah!
  • 5.55 am (after pressing ‘snooze’ on the baby monitor several times and deciding that she’s just not going to go back to sleep no matter how much I ignore her) – stumble to Alpine Girl’s room to feed her.
  • 6.15 am – feeding finished, stand for a couple of minutes on the balcony, marvelling at the quiet and remembering the orange sky and the sound of buses which would greet me during night-time feeding sessions in London), then back to bed.
  • 6.20 am – asleep, hurrah!

Luckily today is a Saturday so I didn’t then have to get up at 8.00 am to deal with an excited, jumpy and hungry three-year old.  Thanks to Alpine Papa, I had a real ‘lie-in’ until 10.00 am, bliss.  (I say ‘lie-in’ as there was once a time – as my old flatmates will remember – when my usual wake-up time was midday, and a lie-in was 3.00pm.  How times have changed, who’d have thought it)

Hope tonight goes better…

Author: Alpine Mummy

Now an ex-City lawyer, I gave up London life 'just for a year' to spend my maternity leave in a tiny village in the French Alps. Nearly three years later Alpine Family is still here - the legal career is gone but we're living the dream (most of the time) and skiing and hiking our way through life. Walks and fresh air are now the order of the day - bye bye smog, hello mountains...

4 thoughts on “Sleep. Or not.

  1. Oh I remember the days. They do end eventually and sleep will come!


  2. Just laughed out loud in house of non-nocturnal people by accident. If I wake up my 23-month-old niece next door, my sister will kill me. Or possibly just put me out in the garden to be attacked by a fox. Or something.


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