Alpine Mummy

A new life in the middle of nowhere


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All New Boots and No Trousers

When Alpine Boy was born I was starry-eyed and naive. It was only months and even years later that I started to realise I’d missed a trick, when other mums would casually query what present Alpine Papa had got me for giving birth.

“Eh?!” I’d respond, before finally noticing those enormous hunks of diamonds  painfully weighing down their earlobes. Apparently that’s what other husbands buy you for harbouring an ever-growing being inside you for nine months and then pushing it out of somewhere delicate (and never-quite-stretchy-enough).

I got bugger all.

(Apart from this little beauty…)

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How to leave the house in less than three hours*

Before babies, I never seemed to have a problem leaving the house.  I’ve never been particularly organised, and I was always maybe a teeny bit (let’s say “fashionably”) late, but I was able to leave the house in, say, 15 minutes if my lie-in required it.  During those 15 minutes I would even manage to brush my hair and slap on some make-up (both a distant memory these days…).

So it was a bit of a shock when Alpine Boy was born and I realised that leaving the house was in fact a military operation.   I soon worked out that if I wanted to go out at a certain time, I would have to start getting ready an hour before.  At least.  If I wanted to wash my hair we were looking at another hour.  Gradually, as time went on (and as he grew out of needing huge amounts of stuff everywhere we went) I perfected my preparation skills and, by the time he was three, I was a lean, mean, house-leaving machine (and longer lie-ins returned, hurrah).

But now that Alpine Girl has joined our happy family we’re (nearly) back to point zero – yet again it takes forever to rally the troops, pack the bags, feed and change the baby, and actually walk out the door.  In general (and thanks to the miracle that is dry-shampoo), I’ve managed to speed it up to 30 minutes of preparation time, on a good day.  Monday was not a good day.

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